There’s only one way to go when you’re down, right? No surprise twists. No unexpected turns. A person can’t stay down forever, can they?
I believe in hope. I believe in the power of perseverance. I believe in discipline and consistency. I believe in punctuality. I believe in showing up.
I’ve been down but hanging in there. Winter is always the hardest time of year for me. Memories of lost loved ones, dwindling daylight, social expectations, social obligations, work, and brain chemistry for the birds create drastic mood fluctuations that often take weeks to recover from.
A person can’t stay down forever, can they?
Sometimes, I wonder. Sometimes, I’m so caught up in the way things feel to me that I feel like I might actually be what I feel. That’s when my beliefs in hope and perseverance come in play. That’s when my biggest struggles with my brain chemistry take place: in the in-between states. It’s like balancing on a rickety, old fence in a windstorm.
What generally helps is running. Running or writing about it. Talking about it usually gets me nowhere. I get cyclical and cryptic and antagonistic. Oh, well. Nobody’s perfect. Much like my training of late. Two runs in two weeks. You have no idea how badly I’ve wanted to be out there running up and down the streets.
But, I’ve been down.
Down but hanging in there.
Tonight, I got out of work a little early and decided to get back at it and ran 4.31 miles in 30:24 and it felt like I wasn’t so much running as I was gliding through the neighborhoods. Coupled with the sun poking through the clouds that had plagued the skies most of the day, the run was exactly what I needed to pull myself up.
I made the leap (again) and signed up for the 2022 Air Force Half Marathon at the Wright Paterson Air Force Base in Dayton, Ohio, September 17. It’ll be the third year in a row I’ve signed up for the race, but COVID cancelled the last two. My friends and I are pleading with the universe the race doesn’t get cancelled this year.
Besides, we’ve got big plans in store. As I mentioned, I’m running with friends from high school. One of them has run the Air Force Half Marathon with me before. I can’t wait to be out on the course with him again. I can’t wait to be racing again.
A person can’t stay down forever, can they?
The answer is simply I hope.
Renegade Runner 